Vanessa
Vanessa is a 17 year old girl that struggles with family life, and targets herself for it. Vanessa lives with past traumatizing experiences in her family system, including witnessing her mother overdose on pills in her own home. Vanessa is just like her mother in the sense that both are bi-polar and schizophrenic, Vanessa just on a lower scale. Growing up, she had no father around to care for her as he was in the military and was raised by her Grandmother due to Mothers addictions and abuse. Vanessa tortures herself with sharp objects by placing them under her skin to try and touch a vein, or by slitting the frail parts of her skin open. Vanessa very clearly struggles with problems revolving witnessing her mothers overdose, and her boyfriend breaking up with her and has yet to find a coping mechanism for her suicidal behaviours. Knowing Vanessa’s story has helped me to realize that the way she behaves is not an attention seeking or end of life way, it is more a way to relieve emotional pain and make it physical, as well as a way to get her mind away from her thoughts – even if it is for a couple minutes. It is surprising to me that Vanessa does not have detachment problems, and fear relationships with others. In the novel, Vanessa quickly becomes close with the two other protagonists’ Conner and Tony and tells her story to them as if she’s known them forever. In the book, her particular writing pieces interest me the most. Vanessas writing is written in a way that relates to colour based on the mood that she is feeling. (Blue-happy, exited. Grey-upset, confused) My favourite quote by Vanessa so far is “I want to scream but I can’t find my voice, hidden somewhere in the indigo sea that has swamped my brain. Blue. Blue. Deep, dark blue. The blue that fills me with desire, the desire to find a small sharp blade and watch blood run, red.” (Hopkins, 53)
Emily bell-ross 